if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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