So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
