Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
