So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
