I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
