you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
