Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
