You're my little dorito
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
