I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
