She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, beer. Big fan.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
