once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
