If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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