hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
