Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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