I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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