Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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