he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
