my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
