Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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