Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
