i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
