then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
