LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
