Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
