I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
