Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
