You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
