A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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