I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
