Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
