Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
