He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
