i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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