Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
