Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
