Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
