Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
