Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
