I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
