Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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