My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
