: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
