It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
