I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
