True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
