Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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