I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
