My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
