Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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