Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
