how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
