Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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