i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
